Coffee Chats: My Next Relationship

I have always reminded myself there’s no rush when it comes to relationships. I’m at a point in my life where many of my friends are married, have kids, just got engaged, met someone new… the list goes on. Sometimes I wonder why I’m not there yet. It’s a terrible thing to think about because I know I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m simply living my life, but this past Valentine’s Day made me really think about it more for some strange reason.

It’s becoming a thought that likes to hang around in the back of my mind, “Who’s the next guy that’s going to walk into my life and change everything?” No matter who walks in, I will love them for who they are as a person and the way they treat me and support me in the long run. As someone who is very independent, it’s tough to let someone else take the reins and help you, and honestly, that’s been one of my biggest learning lessons.

It’s OK to take a step back and ask for help.

You can say I’ve been fighting between my masculine and feminine sides a lot. I’m aware I channel more masculine energy than feminine energy. It’s how I’ve always been growing up. I always wanted to be tough. I knew what I wanted. I went one way when everyone else went another way. Every guy who I’ve let into my life hasn’t stacked up against me. I had several where they were intimidated what I wanted and how I just carried myself compared to others. It was different for them which strangely put a strain on the relationship.

But now as I’m older, I realize that there are men out there who care for women like that. I want to be able to carry myself 110% and be free, but at the same time have someone by my side that will enjoy the journey and compliment me as a person.

It’s been awhile since I’ve had another guy step into my life. Whoever does come in, I’m excited because I know I’m at a place with myself where I feel absolutely whole and simply me.

There IS someone out there for everyone. Sometimes we just have to be a little more patient than others, but they’re coming – ready or not!

Journal #22: It’s Never Going To Stop Snowing

It’s going to be a LONG winter. It has been snowing on and off for chunks at a time over the last week. Not only are we dealing with snow, we’re also dealing with temperatures in the negatives thanks to the wind chill. This is what we get after not having any snow and warm-ish temperatures in November and December. I also underestimated what winter would be like after living in the desert for the last six years.

Like I’ve said for the last six months, it’s been growing pain after growing pain.

It’s weird retraining yourself to live in a place you grew up in. Everything suddenly feels foreign. You forget where some places are, let alone where to drive. You also have to get used to the new environment you’re living in. After being here for six months, it still doesn’t feel like home as strange as that sounds.

I think I’ve become more of a homebody than I was before. I rarely leave the house now unless I step out for some fresh air or need groceries. I wish I was doing more, but the weather is brutal. When I was living in the desert, I had the mountains to escape to, hike for several hours, come back and do errands, and chill out for the rest of the day. It was very productive, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be productive in the coming months with the way things are going.

Thankfully I don’t mind being a homebody. It’s a blessing in disguise. I’ve seen multiple people have a hard time with it due to the current situation. We just have to make the best of it.

And as I look out the window while I type this, it’s snowing. Again.

Time to get the shovel ready!

Finding the Fuel To Your Fire

It’s an overwhelming feeling when you’re so passionate about something or someone. You just can’t help yourself sometimes the way you feel about it. It’s a strong emotion that rules over what we love or cherish the most in our lives.

Passion is also a driving force when it comes to effort. It shows when someone is putting their all into something they know is worth everything.

But sometimes that fire sizzles out, and we’re left stuck.

It’s suddenly dark and you’re trying to find your way back. There’s a sense of loss, regret, hurt, failure – all the words you can think of to make the situation what it wasn’t. It’s also not easy to face what’s to come next because you don’t know. There’s no effort to make anymore.

Passion can also feel like a burden.

In Greek mythology, Atlas was a Titan god. He embodied perseverance. He was condemned to hold the heavens by Zeus after he lead the Titans to battle against the Olympian gods to get control of the heavens.

Atlas was burdened by his own qualities – strength, endurance, stamina, resistance. I bring this up because I’ve been in a place where too much resistance and endurance comes back to bite us. Sometimes we forget we have so much power in ourselves that we don’t even know we’re burning ourselves out.

I believe we’re in a time right now to reflect what truly drives us and why.

After being stuck at home for five days straight and then heading back into work for just a few days, I never had a clearer feeling of not wanting to go back, let alone step in that building again. When you know, you know. It’s one of those things. I realized this isn’t where I want to be anymore. It’s time to move on and find something else to be passionate about, and that’s exciting!

It’s a process to find what truly makes you love what you love. It’s not easy. Life isn’t handed to you a silver platter. For some, it’s a blessing. For others, it takes hard work and perseverance to get to that point because we need to learn the why behind it all.

Find your fire and fuel it into what you love. No regrets.

Topic: Your “Worry Time”

I have a hard time shutting off my mind. It’s been a struggle ever since I transitioned into my 20’s. Not only was I in college and dealing with a lot more on my plate, but I didn’t know how to juggle my priorities properly. Since then, it’s spiraled into anxiety.

I realized in order to have some control over my constant worries, I need to make time for those worries. I call it my “worry time”. We sometimes don’t realize that “normal” worry can become excessive, especially when it’s persistent and uncontrollable.

SCHEDULE A “WORRY TIME” EACH DAY FOR ONE WEEK.

Start by setting aside 15 to 30 minutes during the afternoon or evening. That will be your worry time. I don’t recommend doing this before bed for obvious reasons.

WRITE DOWN ALL YOUR WORRIES.

Don’t put pressure on yourself to solve all your worries in that timeframe. The important thing is to get them out. If your mind begins to wander and starts to resolve them, go with it.

RECAP YOUR WORRIES AT THE END OF THE WEEK.

This will give you a sense of what worries are really coming to the surface. Did you see any patterns or repeats on your lists? Your worries are not meant to drag you down, but shed light on what’s happening that needs some type of control.

It took me awhile to be comfortable in understanding my worries. I realized I need to do better at controlling them and letting go. We’re not always in constant control of things. I’ve been finding more often that distraction is key. The more you put your energy into something else, the more you’ll stay focused on that task.

Turning To A New Month

It’s a satisfying feeling to turn the next page of a calendar. We’re officially in February and I feel like it took us forever to get here! I only say that because January was quite a busy month when it came to work, and per usual, not so eventful in my personal life thanks to the pandemic.

Every year, there’s something different about this month for me. Last year, I was living in a different city with a different job and making weekend plans with friends. In years past, I was celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, and it’s weird to think those people are no longer in my life.

The changing of a year, a month, a day can be monumental in so many ways.

I look at it as progress whether positive or negative. We’re on this cycle called life and we can live it to how we choose. There will be options to what you face, but sometimes those options may not be beneficial. Nonetheless, it’s a risk, and the consequences of it can be earth shattering or mind blowing.

A new month holds a lot of unexpected. We have a general idea what might happen just by what we do normally on a day-to-day basis, but we have to prepare for the curveballs in any aspect of our life.

As I look at the month of February, we’re one month closer to the spring and summer in the Northern Hemisphere (even though there’s piles of snow outside). I also am ready to accept changes. If it’s meant to happen, it’s happening. Sometimes it can be too good to be true, and I’ve been finding myself walking on that line lately.

However this month shapes out, we’re all learning something from it.